Loosing Hope-CRPS fighter Jen

*From: CRPS fighter, Jen Cope*

I look around. It’s after 2 am and the silence around me is deafening. Everything is so still, and so quiet, except for within me. I let out a yelp because I am in so much pain. That yelp turns into sobs and as hard as I try to control it, I can’t. I can’t control the cries coming out of my mouth, the tears falling down my face and the pain in my body.

I wonder if this is what hell feels like. To be in so much pain, to feel trapped inside of your body, to be trapped. This is how I feel.

I never realized how much the medicine I took for my CRPS helped, until I was off of it. I’m good at putting on a brave face. I’m good at hiding the pain.

It’s something you get good at when you are diagnosed with a chronic pain syndrome, especially one like CRPS. It’s something I’ve gotten good at after many things that have happened in my life.

Everyone always says you are so strong. I am strong, but what they don’t understand is that I have to be. But sometimes, such as now, all I want to do is break down. Because I can’t be strong anymore.

* My main support system is thousand of miles away in PA. Nobody in my family understands. My friends here in AZ don’t understand. I feel so alone.* People don’t understand how important understanding and support are when you have CRPS.

I’m honestly scared. I don’t know what to do. I pray to God every night but as the lyrics in Grey Street go, I feel they “fall on deaf ears” and I don’t have time for deaf ears.

My health gets worse by the day and so does my faith and hope. I’m a positive person, I always try to look for the positive in any situation and I’m trying with everything I have to stay positive, to have Hope. To think of the greatness in people and in LoVE, and what the power of the combination can do.

They can move mountains, lift you up, change a life. This will change my life. This will allow me to get back on track with my medical treatments, be around people I so desperately need, afford me to find a job and pay your kindness forward. It will allow Heather to get her treatment and allow her to educate others on it and pay that forward. This is a gift that starts with us, but doesn’t end with us.

-Jen Cope

To go to the website where you can donate, receive information about both girls, updates, photos, etc.
click here: http://www.gofundme.com/CRPSsisters

To contact us, please leave a comment on here or email CRPSsisters@gmail.com

Thank you so much for taking your time to read this.

– the CRPS fighters

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